Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in this world."  As much as I'm going to continue to follow this creed, I have less faith in our individual ability to change the world by leading through example.  But I used to believe in this.  I used to believe that if people within communities began changing their lifestyles and opening their hearts, that they would inspire others and we could achive this amazing hippie snowball effect and may someday know peace.  I used to think that all we had to do was take care of ourselves, our loved ones, others would follow if we continued to be good examples.  I used to think that karma applied to everyone.

Of course, I was 18, a college freshman, and had big dreams about making a difference.  Yes, I was totally that stereotype.

I've learned a lot in these short two years, and I have to finally admit, it takes a shitload more to see change.  I was naive enough to believe that the country was going to see it with the Obama's victory.  Now, I can't help but feel that the word "hope" has lost its pizzaz.

I still want to do good, I still want to see change, at least at the university level.  Right now I'm just kind of lost on how.  Maybe it'll come to me while writing yet another article on the budget cuts.  I can't give into total cynicism just yet.

And so I sit here attempting to throw my crowded mind onto this blank page in hopes that I will be able to sleep after doing so.  But those posts usually turn out bad, existentialism, bad memories, and unfinished tasks aren't fun to read or write about.  So I'll try the old fashioned, this-is-what-I've-been-up-to approach.

Somewhere in the rush of sending out INCITE emails, going to class, trying to catch up on reading, working, and eating, I've been able to cram in an average of a good five hours of sleep each night.  School has definitely begun.  I know I said before that I would never again commit myself to taking 20 units along with work and other activities, but after getting washed ashore the last time, I feel like I'll better stay afloat this time around.  Forgive my bad metaphors, I've been reading too much of the Norton Anthology of Literary Theory and Criticism; Horace is not too happy with my writing right now.  If you're never seen or picked up a Norton Anthology, I caution against it.  Norton Anthologies are digustingly thick hardcovers filled with 1398420968 sheets of Bible paper.  The text is tough on your eyes and heavy in your arms, in fact I'm positive that the muscle I pulled in my right arm is due to carrying that book around.  Although challenging, the class is definitely valuable.  Besides, philosophers and their literary debates are always amusing.  I think that's the key to surviving English 100, Literary Theory and Criticism at UCI, only take it seriously enough to enjoy it.

I was so excited about heading back to my apartment tonight.  Right now I live in a living room.  Because we have a wide dining area my roommates and I use that as our common area instead.  So I curtained off the real living room, made it my space, and in effect, pay less rent.  It's nice, I love it.  Will post pics sometime.  Anyway, after a week of playing catch up and getting little sleep, I was looking forward to collapsing early tonight.  I did, and lied awake.  I don't understand how that happens.  I was completely exhausted.  I realized, two hours into my attempted sleep that my mind was still running.  So I picked up the Te of Piglet, but not even Taoism could calm me.  I think I'm feeling anxious because of all my unfinished tasks.  Tomorrow will be a productive day, and hopefully a restful night.